A night in the life

  

  So we're all on the front porch talking, taking a break from band practice, having a beer and a cigarette (because it's a well know fact you should always smoke right before you're going to sing) and we hear this horrible screaming coming from, what sounds like, my neighbor's yard across the street. I walk across the front lawn to see who's being murdered and realise the screams are coming from my backyard! 
  In a flash it dawns on me and I scream: "My chickens!" and pick up a rock and run like a maniac to the back yard, picking up a big stick on the way. Lou, Eric and Tom come running frantically behind me, trying not to spill their beer; Tom also had the foresight to arm himself with a piece of firewood, (I guess you can tell which two of us grew up in the heart of the urban decay that is Bridgeport CT).  Hurling my rock and flailing my stick, screaming "GET THE *#@! AWAY FROM MY CHICKENS" like a nut, I descend upon my chicken coop ready to pummel any and all intruders. 
  Yeah.
  All this fuss for two raccoons battling for supremacy in a tree 60 feet in the air ABOVE my chicken coop. Chickens- Not in any danger whatsoever.
  Luckily, my son's new girlfriend showed up just about this time. 
  My daily public humiliation...complete.